no thanks.

procrastination

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:29:02 GMT

10 things you want for Christmas:
1. banjolele
2. chord organ
3. food
4. gift cards for food
5. tattoos
6. momma time
7. friend time
8. beers
9. a job
10. more momma time

9 musicians/bands you love:
1. the descendents
2. thou
3. catheter
4. superbad
5. bongzilla
6. cat stevens
7. crimpshrine
8. scholastic deth
9. iron lung

8 things you do everyday:
1. sleep
2. listen to music
3. drink coffee
4. smoke cigarettes
5. read books
6. text message
7. naps

7 things you enjoy:
1. fun
2. riding bikes
3. shows
4. reading
5. buddies
6. sleeping
7. being happy

6 things that will always win your heart:
1. bad jokes
2. good times
3. family
4. loyal friends
5. shitty bars
6. meaningful shit

5 favourites:
1. Movie: i don't know. clueless?
2. Song: i don't know. maybe an exit-13 song.
3. Book: brave new world or the martian chronicles
4. Food: any. vegan mexican!
5. Season: fall

4 smells you enjoy:
1. coffee
2. fresh rain
3. weed
4. dude smells

3 places you want to go:
1. thailand
2. india
3. ghana

2 Favorite Holidays
1. halloween
2. festivus!

1 person you’d marry on the spot:
1. zac efron. oh dang!

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:00:43 GMT

boats reflecting on the river
the picture on my wall
your picture in my wallet
blurry and beyond
if i stare and stare
maybe i'll be there

and we'd walk through,
and breathe through open mouths.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 08:19:39 GMT

have one to wet my pallet
have two because the first was so damn good
have three to loosen my tongue
have four to loosen my mind
have five to ride my bike, really fast
have six to see your face without losing it
have seven to see you ignore me without breaking down
have seven to remind myself to keep my mouth shut
have eight to be there for my friends
have nine to forget you
have ten to forget my awful fucking friends
have eleven to walk myself home
have twelve to force myself to sleep
have thirteen because its not working yet. nothing works yet.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:08:49 GMT

maybe i will live my life over and over again sabotaging my feelings. fuck.

burning witch

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 01:18:09 GMT

So you think i'm wasting my life
You might be soul - soul in tow
You seek to suffer
I don't care, i've got all of my pills and things
Say that it's all in my mind
I won't live my life over and over again
Sabotaging my feelings
Pseudo seppuku

My mind flows freely
On wings of fire
Sub-atomic place
My secret desire

So you think i'm wasting my life
You will lose your individuality
And say that it's all in my mind
I won't live my life over and over again
'cause baby i was born to die
And i know what i'm doing is right

Post atomic ace
The one eyed martyr
He puts you in your place
With sacred predictions

Why did i fall?
Methrdone cyclone is all
In my life now
I won't lose my pride
Why do you think i do what i do
Don't you know i'm just thinking of you

Supersonic force
The one-eyed superhero
Folding time and space
I think and feel
Look he's right now
Smoke fills the sky
The nuclear winter
Is methadone cyclone...

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:48:15 GMT

about to go on a first date. shouldn't be nervous because i have known this guy for five years. BUT JESUS CHRIST I AM NERVOUS.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:03:33 GMT

i cradled the beast to my breast
he softly sighed as i sung him to sleep
sweet and coddled, lulled with his thumb between his teeth
"quiet, quiet. baby love."
i drove deep into the worsening storm
climbed on my hands and knees to the summit
felt her sweet breath whispering secrets of the sea down my neck
"your time is soon, i am afraid"
i clawed my way deep into the belly of the beast
swam thigh deep in the crystal streams
pressed my thick palms hard against straining integral muscles
"again you see, foolish child"

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 08:37:27 GMT

so i went to the bar for the first time in maybe a month. i've been thinking.
my life is exactly the same as before we were together. exactly. and you know what? my life definitely did not suck before you came into it. it was just fine. and it is again. less stress, less bullshit. the only thing that is different is that my friends ask about you. but in reality, i didn't even TELL half of my friends about you. even the ones that met you! so now i just have to deal with them asking "so who is the mystery boyfriend?" and i can pretend like you never existed. perfect!
got my PMA back.

thanks, mom.

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 02:41:41 GMT

Julie,

I love you! It was so good to talk with you.
You are so special and beautiful!

Have a great week

always love you,

MOM

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:02:11 GMT

I long to tell you, that Im always thinking of you
but my words Just blow away,
It always ends up to one thing, honey
And I cant think of right words to say
Wherever I am, Im always, always walking with you, but I look and you're not there
Whoever Im with, Im always, always talking to you, and Im sad that you cant hear
It always ends up to one thing, honey, When I look and youre not there
I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore
And -- each night and day I pray, in hope
That I might find you, because hearts can do no more

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 17:43:44 GMT

my room mate eats a lot of chicken livers.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:22:22 GMT

i have the worst UTI of my life.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:22:56 GMT

mental breakdown city. everything goes to shit, over and over and over and over.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:46:40 GMT

things i need for the new house
-coffee
-bed mirrors
-window fan
-futon
-futon cover
-new bike and lock
-maybe bed side table

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:50:40 GMT

is it too much to ask for the things to work out this time? i'm only asking for what is mine.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 00:10:14 GMT

one week of spending nearly every day with you. it's really been incredible. i am terrified of my lack of productivity and focus, though. i refuse to turn into one of those people who just sits around and swoons. i can't seem to think about anything other than you. can't think of being anywhere but beside you, or doing anything other than being next to you. i'm in trouble, aren't i?

unconcious stream of thought

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 03:31:49 GMT

staying in. smoking weed and doing art. doom metal on the turntable. pain killers and weed give me insane focus. i really wish there were someone in my life who would do this with me. it';s not often i get lonely. i like to spend atleast 50%(if not more) of my waking time alone. i like shit quiet and calm, always calm. but every once in a while i'll stay in and wish i had someone else to sit around and be calm and focused with. or i'll meet someone who i think i could be comfortable being calm and quiet with, and they are unattainable. every once in a while i meet a guy who likes the same things as i do, and respects me(or even likes me) anyway. men are not often interested in women who they see as intellectual or even social equals. we are the same beast, after all. it's all about having the upper-hand. i am over it. i want to be as grounded and level headed as possible. i no longer want to adjust my behavior to fit into social situations. i no longer value eccentric people who are eccentric for the hell of it. with every strong quality a person possesses, the polar opposite occurs as well, just as strong. being somewhere in the middle of everything creates balance. not that personalities change, but outlook and interaction are pliable. the less focus devoted to what people think, the more focus you can have on how you interact in the first place. make that positive and not only will people's opinion of you be positive, it will breed positivity in their life as well as your own. ignore all aspects of negativity brought along from outside forces but don't ignore what role they play in the grand scheme of things.

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 22:48:53 GMT

amazing night on the roof last night. avoided the dramatic party below. my two best friends and the new guy. shooting off fireworks and talking about good shit. kissing and joking. everyone from seattle was downstairs fighting. it felt incredible.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:24:23 GMT

the amount of overwhelming self obsession and ego i have been coming into contact with recently is fucking unreal to me. of all of the goddamn things there are to spend your time thinking about. lets do something positive and not stew in HOW FUCKING GREAT WE ARE.

either way, i'm taking a break from normal life trying to figure a few things out. or atleast giving myself a break from thinking about them.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:30:58 GMT

younger punk kids are still intimidated by me? really?
it's been atleast 5+ years since anyone my own age thought i was cool. even then, i wasn't that cool to begin with.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:27:56 GMT

i might be a teenage virgin, jerkin off in my bedroom
if i wasn't a 20 year old virgin, who didn't have a bedroom!

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:58:18 GMT

fuck you for not calling when you got into town. fuck you for staying by my side all night. fuck you for making sure my beer never got empty without me having to ask. i know seeing me is not that important to you, if it was you would call. why do you stay with me and crack jokes and i am still home alone? i know i will never be what you want, i can never be enough for you. please just sever all ties and quit doing this to me. call when you get into town so i can be somewhere else. so i can stop feeling think empty sinking feeling when we part. i can't think about this anymore, i can't. let me have a clean break and stay the fuck away.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 04:56:37 GMT

making it all stop, atleast for a couple of hours. hiding out. i want everything calm and quiet. i don't want to hear the phone, i won't pick up.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:57:01 GMT

I rode down to the tracks.
Thinking they might sing to me.
But they just stared back.
Broken, trainless and black as night.
Climbed out onto my roof.
So I'd be a poet in the night.
Beat the walls off my room.
I saw the big room that is this life.
This is my condition:
Naked and hysterical,
Reaching to grab a hand
that I just slapped back at.
This is my condition:
Desperate, alone,
Without an excuse.
I try to explain. Christ, what's the use?
Read and I felt so small.
Some words keep speaking
When you close the book.
Drank and just about smiled.
Then I remembered us in that bed.
Put my ear to the door.
I just heard hot rods
and gunshots and sirens.
People kill me these days.
There's keys in their eyes
But they lock from the inside.

last days here

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:24:58 GMT

-call dentist, get x-rays
-get rid of final boxes
-figure out furniture
-clean out car
-go to auto zone

other than that stuff i think i am ready. momma gets here tomorrow, i am so excited.